i want to sing
i want to play music
i want to resume my drums lessons
i want to improve on my guitar skills
i want to serve in church
i want to make a difference in soci soc
i want to do well in school
i want my parents to be proud of me
i want to lose weight
i want to look better
i want to form a band one day
i still want to sing and play music
i want to play and sing for worship
i want to study
i want to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister
i want to sleep and have a good rest
i want to know you more
i want to earn more money
i want to be a better person
i want my voice back
i want to attend church regularly
i want a more organised life
i want to be less scatter-brained and absent minded
i want to be focused
i want to make a difference in tpym

i want..

everytime i start speaking, i hear my own horrible voice and i don't feel like speaking anymore.

i can't even sing now without zaosia-ing, and i zaosia at the lowest pitches possible when i used to be able to sing one octave higher.

i am quite upset by this seriously. the implications of having permanent damaged vocal cords are too great. for one, i would be unable to serve as a backup leader during worship. and i think most of my friends should know that i LOVE to sing. singing is like breathing to me. okay maybe not so extreme but close. now i feel so stifled and choked when i'm not able to sing.

and lastly (i think everyone's going to throw old socks at me for this or something), i can't attract guys with my used-to-be sweet voice anymore. haha. *dodges all the flying objects*

any kind souls who would like to help me can either 1) buy me boxes of pi pa gao or 2) make me honey lemon :)

eurgh. i just missed another 8am lecture, 2 out of 3 already! for ec2102. cos i overslept.

not by half an hour. not by one hour. but one hour after the lecture ended then i woke up.

i think weiqiang tried calling me for around 6-7 times? and i didn't respond at all.

i seriously need an alarm clock. or even better, maybe i should hire a bedside kicker. give me a kick when it's time to wake up. sure bound to get up sooner or later one.

like that how to do well you tell me?

a short post before i go for my run.

how much does it take to maintain a friendship? or rather, a group of friendships?

i used to belong to different cliques. looking back, i had my barbarians, the 7 wonders, the 4D cell, my jc class.. now, only the bbr clique remains strong. for 5 years, we've had our ups and downs, closeness and farness.. nope, this isn't an entry about the bbrs. i love them, and always will.

i'm here to talk about the C.O.T. the C.O.T is like some kinda chemical experiment. put 3 people together in 1 project and BOOM! you have it. us.

other onlookers may suddenly wonder why and how did we manage to become so close in such a short period of time. they may think that it's gonna fade off soon enough after awhile. the whole novelty of it all makes me wonder if they're correct. but similarly, the whole novelty of it all makes me want to hold on to it as tight as i can.

and we're going to. aren't we? :)

the end of project six at club momo. thanks all for the wonderful memories :) will post more pictures up soon.

now, let's call today "lose gina's hp day" shall we.

first, i left my hp on the bench at pacific plaza. and it was opened cos i was sms-ing halfway. reason why i left it there was cos this stupid weiqiang suddenly stunned me with a ripcurl paper bag with the nicest turquoise and brown lanyard inside!

"i want to go toilet" cannot be used anymore wq.. haha. think of a new way man! but all the same, THANKS! i love the lanyard.

anyway back to the phone.

so then xingfa came and 3 of us left pac plaza.. WITHOUT MY HP.

and without realising it, we just happily walked.. and walked.. crossing the road to get to wheelock place. halfway through, i remembered that i haven't finished sms-ing and reached into my pocket to get my phone.

nothing was there.

i was like F*** where's my phone? it's missing! and within 5 seconds i realised that i forgot to bring it out with me from pac plaza. and so, the 3 of us started running back towards pac plaza from wheelock place. haha if i wasn't so anxious at that time i would have laughed la. so drama serial-ish.

but anyways xf was the one who ran back while wq and i brisk walked behind. we were waiting for xf outside adidas, and you cannot imagine the relief i felt when i saw him coming down the escalator with something in his hand.

THANK GOD no one took my phone. if not my family surely gonna condemn me.

so of course the wq would be like buy lanyard for you still lose your hp! so i attached the lanyard to my hp. and the day went on fine until..

wq sent me home. i stepped in. i went to the toilet. to shit. halfway through, i realised that i left my hp in wq's car. hahha. okay all of you stop cursing me and saying how dumb i am. I KNOW THAT.

so anyway, i'm home now, phoneless, tutorial class-less for EC2303, only can get 3hours of slp later.

but it was a great day and i won't mind doing it all over again. :)

and btw, yes i have got issues and so does everyone else. you do not need to announce it to the whole world.

well, nights world.

thanks to image station, i managed to salvage almost half of the pictures that i lost in my laptop. but unfortunately, it's the older half. but looking on the bright side, at least i can still build new memories with the friends i have now :) so those who are reading this and have pictures of me, kindly send to me via msn or burn it into a cdr for me! thank you. it'll be deeply appreciated by me.

and i hereby also promise to upload my pictures asap to prevent future loss of pictures again. and of course not to leave my belongings unattended!

back to the topic of laptops. i was more or less certain that i was gonna get an ibook. and just for sarah's information, mac computers nowadays come with ms office which is windows compatible so no worries about that.

what i'm more worried about is the switching of systems after being a windows user like all my life. i think i may get a culture shock if i start using a mac. haha. and i tried playing around with my sister's powerbook last night. wasn't so bad save the msn-ing part. msn mac is so different from msn windows. that's the only drawback i guess.

and regarding the vaio.. okay i do not necessarily have to buy a vaio. it's just that i miss my old vaio so much. but yea, any good models to recommend just let me know? i'm fine with most brands except acer and ibm. what i'm looking for is compactibility, preferably something under 2kg if possible.

aiights. time to pen off :)

after much thinking and consideration, it's better to remain as friends.

anyway i'm stuck with making a choice again. vaio or ibook? leave your comments please. thanks :)

i think i have been hanging out with michele a bit too much lately haha. falling sick with flu and cough. better not escalate into a fever if not..

anyways yesterday was my first day at big o! thought i would be slow and clumsy, but surprisingly i managed to pick up pretty fast. my trainer even said he was impressed with me *smirks* and i got a good comment card from a customer! haha cheap thrill man. but was pretty tired after only 5 hours or working. whole body was aching and i couldn't wait to get home. fell dead asleep on the bus. but got to force myself to wake up if not i would have missed my stop.

slacking in the clubroom now.. didn't go for my econometrics just now cos seriously was feeling like crap. but everyone say yay! cos that lecture got webcast. i think it's because it's a makeup lecture that's why. hopefully all the rest of the lectures also got webcast la! think i'm quite lucky. skipped my computing lecture yesterday due to super bad gastric. i made my way to soc, stayed for about 5 minutes, then dragged myself back to the clubroom to sleep. you can ask brenda. i met her on the way back. she could tell i was DYING. thanks michele for taking care of me :) sometimes i really wonder what i would do without you. you're not in school today and i feel so lost man. like no one to hang out with. oh weeelllls.

i want to watch charlie and the chocolate factory!

and kat, you will always be an important friend to me alright? and so will the rest of you! it's just that, sometime i feel very inadequate as a person and a friend. yea.. i'm freezing in the comp room. penning off here.

back from supper feeling very lousy.

first off, i think i'm a lousy friend. secondly, i think i am damn fat. thirdly, school starts tomorrow. grrr.

sometimes i really do not know what people want and expect from me. i would say, why can't they accept me the way i am? but i know that, if i really act the way i am, i would probably be friendless. as it is, i feel like the friends that i have are not gonna be my friends anymore.

sad, ain't it? that's gina's life for you.

and so it's back to the humdrum school life once again.

oweek was great. new friends, new cheers, new realisations.
fop last night was great too, but not as great as expected.

all the running i did the past weeks are all wasted.
just one oweek and i put back all the weight i lost. if i even lost any in the first place.

the turkey issue appears.
you ask, what about the donkey?
and i think to myself, how in the world did the donkey get into the picture?
no matter what, i still feel that the donkey is too hard to me to get.
furthermore, i don't even know how i'm feeling right now.
why not, let's put this to a stop for the moment, and see how things go.
i really need to transform into a chao mugger (okay stop laughing all of you)
and i don't need to trouble myself with the donkey and the turkey.
right?

going to start work at big o on wednesday.
feeling pretty apprehensive.
God grant me guidance, wisdom and strength alright?
i think i'll need them.

dad has stop giving me allowance.
and i doubt he will continue to give, judging from the way we barely communicate
i have the nicest mum and grandma in the world.
they're gonna get me a new laptop.
should i get an ibook?

and i really feel like moving out away from home.
but hall applications have closed.
and now i'm stuck.
in a world where i don't want to be in, but yet have to be in.

who will save me now?